I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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