You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
