Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
