just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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