god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
