so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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