your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
