i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
