theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
