He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
