we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
