I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
