It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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