NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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