I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so that wasnt chicken after all
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
