that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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