yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
