I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
