Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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