i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
