we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
