Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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