I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
