Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
