Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
