....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
