So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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