its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
