he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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