Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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