whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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