were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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