I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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