Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
