ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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