you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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