you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
