the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
