this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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