God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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