Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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