it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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