i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
