There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
