im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
