You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
