Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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