my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
