she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
