I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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